There’s a few problems with being single…
- No one to ask loads of questions to when watching a film or series
- Food goes off quite quickly when you’re only cooking for one. (I’ve wasted so much spinach because all the bags seem to be for a family of 9)
- Less presents on birthday and Christmas
- No guaranteed holiday buddy
- Lack of attention
But the biggest problem with being single is the pity you can often get for being single and the social perception that you’d be happier if you were in a relationship.
This isn’t a blog because it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m feeling bitter towards the world. I just wanted to write about my experience of finding happiness without relying on someone else to give it to me.
Adam always wanted a relationship. He wanted to find someone and went on Tinder and all the other apps on his journey to find ‘wife’.
He’d often talk to me about it and I remember vividly us driving to the Trafford Centre and him asking me whether or not I wanted to meet anyone. And how the way we both looked at it was completely different.
At the time, I must have been interested in working on my career a bit more or saving some money or something because I remember us discussing why it wasn’t important at the time and me trying to explain why we should be happy and crack on with our lives before searching the internet for our perfect matches.
The bad thing is – when you explain to people that you’re happy on your own for the time being, it always sounds like a lie and people nod and smile along as if they think that in reality, all you want is to be with someone else – because that’s what everyone wants, right?
“You’ll meet someone one day”
“I don’t understand why you’re single”
“What’s new with you, are you seeing anyone yet?”
I’ve always been into the idea of working on being happy and confident within yourself before letting someone else in. (Cliche, I know)
This doesn’t mean that I will bat people away because I’m on a journey to become the goddess of happiness and joy, just to prove a point. More so not go searching for something in the hope it’ll make me a better, happier person.
The past few years, for me, would have been heavy going if I was with someone whilst trying to come to terms with what had happened. Especially if it was a new relationship. I think it’s been an eye opener to how I cope with things alone and a bit of a journey to rebuild my inner confidence.
Not long after Adam died, I turned down a pretty decent guy because I didn’t feel in the right headspace for it (sorry, Mum). But it’s decisions like that that led me to how I feel and where I am now.
In today’s society, the expectation is to meet someone in our 20s and aim for an engagement, marriage and kids around the 30 mark.
I remember a friend saying to me when I was 22 “if you think you’ll be married with kids by 30, you are probably wrong”. I laughed it off at the time thinking yeh right. But now I can see where she was coming from.
As women, I think we put more pressure on ourselves to find ‘the one’, due to the body clock chat that comes up more and more the older you get. Meaning that we often date as if we’re vetting for our future husband.
I often say to people, if someone paused my age right now I’d be quite happy just plodding along doing my own thing for a few more years to come. If you mentally take away the pressures of life and pressure on yourself, comparing it to other people’s lives – you’d probably have a lot more fun.
That doesn’t stop me though from occasionally having a panic on a Sunday night when I’m riddled with beer fear, scrolling through Tinder and matching with lots of sensible looking men in their early 30s that look like they want to settle down. This feeling usually disappears come the Monday night though.
I reckon that what I am trying to say is that if you are reading this and you are single wishing you had someone to have an M&S dine in for 2 with tonight, then work out what you could do to make it feel not so bad.
Use your time on you, to see people you enjoy spending time with, to do something you enjoy doing. Stuff that if you were in a relationship, you might not have the same time for.
This doesn’t just go for being single though, and I just had this chat in the office with my married friend, when I was wondering if this blog was even making any sense 🤣 As important as it is to be happy on your own when single, it is the same when seeing someone. She says for a healthy relationship you need to have your own happiness and confidence and not rely on that other person to give you that.
If you are single or in a relationship, remember:
- Be confident and happy in yourself, and not rely solely on others to provide those feelings
- Don’t compare your lives, and where you are up to, with others. Remember everyone’s idea of success looks different
- Focus on self care and spending time doing things you enjoy – because time is precious.
- Figure out your own values and goals and what you actually want instead of what is deemed right by society
💕 Happy Valentine’s Day 💕
I’m off to get ready for speed dating with the single friends 😂
If you see me in a couple of years posting overly soppy Instagram pics of my future bae, thanking them for my happiness, then you have every right to paste the link to this blog to remind me of who I used to be.